The time was 3:45pm, I was finishing up an episode of the West Wing Season 4 that I didn't get to finish the night before, passing the time until 4pm, which is when I was supposed to give my mom a call. Carson had recently filled his diaper with a little bit of baby joy. He is a sight to see when he works his magic: chin scrunched into the rolls of his neck, chubby cheeks looking even chubbier because of the stern, serious line that his mouth makes, and his face turns bright red as he grunts and pushes with gusto. I affectionately call this look "the poopy face." This process takes but a few seconds and then he relaxes and waits for me to discover the precious gift he has left me.
As I lay him down on the changing mat he squeels and wiggles, probably laughing at the fact that I have no idea that I am about to discover he had put a little extra effort into his daily ritual than normal. I unbotton the legs of his outfit and was shocked to find thick mustard yellow cream all the way down to the calf of his right leg. It must have come out the side. I try to clean off his leg with a wipe and he finds it rather humorous and kicks his legs faster than I can grab them.
I finally get the leg cleaned off and work up the courage to see what else my little bundle of joy had left for me. I knew the diaper would be full, but surely that would be the end of it.
Of course not. I lift his little booty off the floor to move his shirt out of the way and I see a strip of yellow going right up the center of his back, practically to his shoulder blades. I pull out 8 or 9 wipes in anticipation of wipe down and attempt to get these clothes off of him. It figures that today is one of the rare occasions where I dress him in something that has to be taken off over his head. I remove the garment as carefully as possible, but none the less end up getting a large goup of mustard right in his hair. At that moment I decide this is a job for the bath tub.
By this time, Maddox has realized what was going on and wanted in on the action. He insisted on helping to clean "his baby" in the bathtub. This makes everything ten times more difficult because I have to clean Carson and make sure Maddox doesn't fall in as he leans as far as he can over the edge.
A few minutes pass and, with the help of Maddox, Carson is shining like a new penny. I lift him out of the baby tub and he spits up a half ton of formula all over himself. I put him back in the tub, rewash him ensuring to get in all of those neck rolls that spit up loves to hide in, and grab his towel to get him out.
Exit attempt #2 was unsuccessful. As I am about to lift Carson out of the tub, he decides now is a good time to pee. It shoots up and (if you've ever given a baby boy a bath, you know how that goes.) Now, lets not forget about Maddox here. At this very moment he is leaning so far over the tub that his feet come off the ground and his head is directly in shooting range. Carson's golden stream not only soaks him from head to toe, but also wets the entire backside of Maddox's head. Wonderful!
I let out Carson's pee-pee water, refill his tub and scrub him down for the third time. I guess he had decided that he had his fun for the day because all bodily fluids stayed where they should be. I get him out and in a little ducky towel. At this time I realize it's 4:00 and I need to call mom.
I call, tell her this crazy story and tell her I'll call her later because boy #2 needed to get a bath as soon as possible since his hair was soaking we with something other than water. I rush to put a diaper on Carson (not risking any more episodes with him today), strip Maddox down while filling the tub with water and Elmo bubbles. Maddox, like always, loved his bath, but he must have known something was not right. He usually hates, and I mean HATES getting his hair washed, but this day, when I put him in the tub the first thing he did was point to his head and hand me the cup that I used to rinse the shampoo out of his hair.
That, my friends, is 15 minutes of my life. Tschuss!!!
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